please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
