I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We need to get me chipped asap
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
