Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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