i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
