I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
