nut hugger
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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