sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
