turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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