I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
