Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
