he wants to bone in the snuggie
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
