no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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