So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
