you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
