I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
