idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
