the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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