She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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