Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
