If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
