dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
