dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
