my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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