"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
