Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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