mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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