He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My first STD was from a foam party
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
