so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
