Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
