so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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