This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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