It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
