Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
