If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
