FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
