mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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