I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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