Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
