I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
