How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
