either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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