My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize