pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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