youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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