Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
