No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
