Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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