just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
