Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize