Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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