My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
