I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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