I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize