im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
