You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
