If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize