She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
