Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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