What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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