I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
