I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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