Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
