im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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