I hate all girls vehemently.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize