There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
