Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
