I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
