Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
