Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
