Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think my moral compass just broke
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