True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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