I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
