There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
